Confession

HIM: I still don’t get why you find me attractive.

ME: Well, most people naman don’t really look at themselves and be so GGSS (gandang-ganda sa sarili). So yeah, you’re pretty normal, hahaha. I mean, look. You have a boyfriend—do you think he’ll be with you if he wasn’t attracted to you?

HIM: Yeah.

ME: Speaking of, how are you two guys now?

HIM: We’re okay, I guess.

ME: Is he less “freaked out” nowadays with your status? Has it already sunk in?

HIM: Put it this way, and please don’t take this against him because I don’t hahaha, but we haven’t kissed lips to lips since, hahaha!

ME: Okay, I get it. I totally get where he’s coming from.

HIM: Same. It’s a bit hard for me though, but well, haha I have to understand. Hahaha.

ME: Someone warned me I should not be doing it with someone whose status isn't “undetectable” yet, but I feel that kind of attitude is defeatist. Besides, that’s why I use condoms and taking PrEP.

HIM: Yeah, that attitude’s kind of… not cool. Hahaha.

ME: Can I confess something that’s a little... well... not ordinary?

HIM: Go!

ME: I actually find you sexier now, especially with your status. It’s as if you are now a ‘limited edition” like a comic book, and so only those who really are worthy of you can enjoy your sexiness.

HIM: Hahahahaha! I actually find the comparison funny.

ME: Better you find it funny than weird or creepy!

HIM: Nah. I mean, much like a comic book, I feel like I should be wrapped in plastic and shoved in a closet. HAHAHAHAHA. I’m kidding, hehehe.

* * * * *

Strangely enough (or maybe I really ought to not think of it as strange at all), after confessing that to him, I got a semi-hard on. I invited him for another session with me, but he begged off, saying he wasn’t in the mood that time. But he promised he’ll contact me when he feels like it.

Funny how the human mind works. Trust me, it’s not just my mind. I’m sure you have your own inner freaks on. But just how willing you are to listen—mush less act—on them, well, that’s up to you.