Orgy Porgy

So this is the third(?) time I joined this group of guys (two of them are the organisers and the venue sponsors) who are into “group fun”. These guys are, to merely simplify descriptions, in their 30s and 40s, can easily be lumped into the gay category of “daddies,” and are mostly top. That’s why they try to invite younger, more fit, and very game bottoms to the group fun. The rules are simple. No drugs. Bring your own condoms and lube. No cameras (photos or videos are not allowed). What happens in the room stays in the room (since several of them have wives, as in, actual wives—you know, the female variety—with matching children).

This latest group fun, compared to others I’ve been to, was one of the better orgies. The versa-bottoms who joined that night were four in total, which was a good number because the tops, who numbered around 6-10 guys (some left early, some came late, some preferred to just be sucked) had a variety of guys to fuck—from the slim and twinkish to the short but muscle-packed. One was absolutely talented with his mouth—let me call him Magic Mouth—and he gave blow jobs like his mouth had a life of its own. One wore porn-ready underwear (the open-at-the-back kind of t-back) which was sexy and inviting. All were very willing and able in their roles. All were able to take in the varying cock sizes of the tops, and everyone made sure they cleaned up nicely before going to the hotel room. And there were a lot of condoms and lube available. Guys could easily protect themselves while having fun.

When I hook up, I normally just get off once and that’s it, because my recovery period in between ejaculations takes a lot longer, given my age. With group fun, I can pace myself better because I just enjoy watching the others while I recover. I was able to cum three times that night.

But while it was quite a fun night, I couldn’t help but turn introspective afterwards. Attending such activities has triggered some of my insecurities, which I thought I had overcome already, to come back. I worry that my “average Pinoy-size” penis isn’t enough for cock-hungry bottoms, that I am not be able to satisfy them because I may not hit their G-spot, that my girth and length will not fill them to their satisfaction. I worry that because I cannot recover as quickly as the others, I end up missing out on the other guys. I worry that I tend to ejaculate prematurely, especially if there’s a long time gap in-between hook-ups—I get excited easily, and reach climax much faster than usual.

I know these thoughts are neither healthy nor helpful to my sense of well-being and self-confidence. I do hope I can shake them off before they fester and balloon into inconvenient insecurities.

Maybe I should take my cues from some of the participants in the group fun. They didn’t pressure themselves with pleasuring others; they just watched and enjoyed themselves. But I find it a little bit selfish, though.

I will find a middle ground and make peace with my insecurities.